The Best City in Nigeria

 

Ask anyone who has been out and about in Nigeria which city they think is the best, and they are likely to mention Lagos. That’s not exactly surprising. Urbanization in Nigeria is essentially moving from your hometown to Lagos. Lagos is the most populous state in Nigeria, and that reflects accordingly on the state’s economy. Lagos is also unarguably the most advanced in infrastructure.  But does population and advancement make a city the best? 

 

Credit: nairametrics

The qualities that Lagos has going for it are the same factors that lower its ratings on the “best” scale. For example, its vibrant economy nurtures a handful of the rich who would not bear to share their space with the dredge of the city, hence, gentrification. Gentrification is an unholy menace prevalent in the Lagos metropolis through successive government administrations. Gentrification literally drive the poor out of their own homes and obliterate even whatever pseudo-bridge exists between the rich and the poor. The thing is that this reality is why the rich in their Lagos Island homes are unable to sleep with both eyes closed. Perhaps this explains why there are folks who actually consider Lagos to be the best; they’ve slept many nights with an open eye robbing the brain of much-needed oxygen.

Abuja

 And then there's Abuja. Even people who've never set foot in Nigeria's capital city might be quick to tag it as the best in the country. But Abuja is the federal capital territory, not Valhalla. There's no denying that there’s just a lot of money in Abuja, and money brings happiness- or not- depending on who you ask. Even when the bills don’t belong to you, just touching, counting, smelling, and being in close proximity to cash- I’ve been told, make people gain weight as if they’re literally ingesting the fiber-rich paper bills. That’s just the thing about Abuja- the money.

Ex-Nigerian Senator

 As the nation’s capital, Abuja is the nesting ground of Nigeria’s political elites. These are the class of people who make a career out of siphoning and funneling public funds to their private purses across the globe. The unintended consequence is that with all that money visible to all and sundry, including the glorious mansions, the luxurious cars, the mile-stretching motorcades; all of it inspires a general perception that one is in the playground of the rich. Still, the reality is that the poor are more in number in Abuja. The result of this miscalculation is that the poor suffer more, ironically, because they are in the supposed playground of the rich. Think about what happens in the playground of the rich; the poor want to play too. The prices of goods and services are tailored to tickle the pockets of the rich in their playground. But the one little tinny mound-y problem is that the rich don’t transact like the poor. That's good news to the poor sometimes, but it can also be bad news. For instance, a bunch of bananas for sale by the roadside costs four times the usual, but the rich don't buy bananas on the roadside. It's the 'not rich' who does.  Taxi fares cost twice the usual in Abuja because Abuja is the playground of the rich. But the rich don't use taxis, do they? A city where the "not-rich" pay the price for excesses of the truly rich does not, in my opinion, qualify as the best city in the country.

Aba, Abia State

 Aba is curiously the best city in Nigeria. Who will object that the best city is measured by the happiness of those who live in it? Aba residents are the happiest. Where else are people so happy to collect five liters of kerosene each in exchange for their votes for a government that owes them more than twelve months' salaries?  The Aba people are indeed the happiest lot. 

A crater along Waterside, Aba

 Do you know that obesity costs the United States of America about two hundred billion dollars annually? Move to Aba and you’ll never have to worry about the number of calories in your food. That’s because you’ll have burned them all off by the time you arrive at your place of work each day. The roads will make sure of it. The massive potholes in Aba that give you the impression an irrigation tractor raked through the road ensure that pedestrians have no choice but to turn to acrobats if they must get around the city. Motorists are not exempted in this grace either. Passengers are equally subjected to the jarring, bouncing, jiggling, quaking, bumping, shuddering, and lurching of the innards and stomach fluids as the vehicle struggles to absorb the shock of the cavernous roads.  Even where the road is relatively free of craters, the inequality of terrain is assuredly there to guarantee the listlessness of wayfarers, which, in turn, keeps the body frisky and healthy. If you want to be lean and sinewy, forget your dumbbells and move to Aba. A healthy person is a happy person, right?  And there’s more.

Unlike Abuja or Lagos, no one kids themselves that there’s a lot of money in Aba. This consciousness inspires a true spirit of community and brotherhood, the brotherhood of the poor and hustling. Everything is cheaper in Aba. You could buy a pair of fine-looking sandals for five hundred naira ($1) in Aba- no kidding. It’s no problem that the sandals stay intact for no more than two weeks and then come apart. In fact, it's expedient because the shoe mender gets to eat, the shoe seller gets to sell, and the consumer gets to wear sandals. See? Brotherhood.  

Credit: Sun News

 Speaking of hustling, the hustle is real in Aba. There’s a market with the name “Ahia Ohuru (New Market)” and whatever you fancy is available there. This market is not new at all.  But its name describes it to a T since the market is indeed "new" every morning. If the market spans five kilometers today, don't be surprised that it covers six kilometers tomorrow. Ahia Ohuru sits squarely on a goodly portion of the main road such that motorists are no longer welcome. The market stalls keep popping up further and further down the road every day, so the families of the local chief enrich themselves by taxing and renting out portions of the public road as make-shift market stalls. What can the government do to restore the road for traveling purposes? It would be a mistake to displease the local chief if you want to stand a chance in the next rounds of elections. But it's no problem. The market is good for business, and business is good for the hustle. Everyone is happy, even if you trade your wares atop a stinking, steaming refuse heap.

And then there’s entertainment. You may have heard about the government’s efforts to arrest outcrops of gentle men’s clubs in cities like Lagos. In Aba, the enjoyment of a full daylight display of nudity is rather common. A good number of mentally challenged people- although it is quite the challenge to determine who is mentally challenged in Nigeria and who is not- roam the streets fully naked. This is no problem because it makes children grow up fast. What else is there to expect when ten-year-olds don’t need an internet connection to study adult anatomy up-close and personal? Plus, it’s live entertainment for grownups- male and female alike. Some people in Lagos will hate their government for denying them this treat.

Safety is where it all comes to a head, and it's totally safe to live in Aba. It's just a song of self-determination that ushered in soldiers shooting unarmed protesters dead. The commander-in-chief is very conscious of the city, so residents and visitors are reassured of their safety and security. The people of Aba don't want to make trouble. They don't pretend to be the home of the brave or the land of the free. They are never ready to make sacrifices when money is not involved, so no worries. Without worry, you’re happy. 

Sadly, the Abia State government is currently rebuilding the stretch of road that used to be an extension of ahia ohuru. Upon completion, the road will once again be motorable, pedestrians can commute without leaping like Jackie Chan, and sanity can return to the area. Why, you might even think you were traveling through the Lekki axis of Lagos. I guess happiness never lasts. You be the judge.